


Merely Madness

by bandedbulbussnarfblat



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, this is not a serious story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 03:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20057638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandedbulbussnarfblat/pseuds/bandedbulbussnarfblat
Summary: A cupid causes trouble in Fillory.  Alice is in love with Eliot.  Quentin is in love with Fen.  Penny is in love with Quentin.  Only true loves kiss can break the spell, but will they find their true loves before they're driven to madness?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, let's pretend that the gang had a quest to bring Quentin back and this takes place sometime after that. And after Margo and Eliot get back from the future.

Alice Quinn was half naked in front of him. Either the palace cook had used the wrong mushrooms, or something was very wrong.

“Alice, what are you doing?” asked Eliot. All he had wanted was to get some sleep. Was that really so much to ask after all they'd been through. He and Alice had grown closer on the quest to get Quentin back, but not showing up in a tiny bathrobe closer. Not make bedroom eyes at each other closer.

“You know I used to be angry with Quentin for cheating on me with you. But now I understand,” she said, moving closer to him. She ran a hand up his chest and smiled at him. “He couldn't resist you. Neither can I.”

Alice dropped her robe to the floor. She wasn't wearing anything under it. Eliot kept his eyes on her face. There was nothing there he wanted to see, and once Alice was back to normal she'd be grateful he hadn't looked. “Alice, you're under a spell. This isn't you.”

“I know I'm not your normal type, but I can try. I'll even let you stick in my-”

“Okay!” Eliot interrupted, “Let's get you some clothes on.”

“Let's get your clothes off,” said Alice, and lunged at him. It was almost impressive someone her size was able to kiss someone as tall as him without any help from him at all. How could she even reach? Eliot didn't have time to think about it, as Alice was sticking her tongue in his mouth.

Eliot pushed her off. “Margo? Fen? Anybody? A little help.”

No one came. Just his luck.

“Alice, I am so sorry for this.” Eliot did a series of finger motions and Alice slumped to the floor in a deep sleep. “Stupid cupids.”

_yesterday_

It had started with a string of bizarre murders and suicides, all with the unmistakable trace of magic. This wasn't so unusual for Fillory, but it was leaving a trail of victims and the people were afraid. Fen had went to Eliot, Margo and Josh for help, which had led to the rest of the gang getting involved, which lead them to where they were now: standing over a dead Cupid.

Quentin and Alice had cornered it in a guest bedroom and contained it with a trapping spell. Penny had popped in to behead it. With the cupid gone, hopefully those affected by it's magic would return to normal. That's what Alice's research had lead her to believe.

The door to the room opened and Eliot and Fen ran in. Fen looked at the decapitated cupid. It looked like a strange mix between a baby cherub and a gremlin. “You got it!”

“We got it,” said Quentin. Fen shrieked and threw her arms around him, as he was closest. “Kinda need to breathe, Fen.”

Eliot pointed to Alice's cheek. “You got a little cupid right there.”

Cupid blood was thick, pink and sparkly with the consistency if glitter glue. Getting it off was no easy feat. “Did I get it? It's starting to burn...my research didn't mention anything about burning.”

“Here, let me,” said Eliot, reaching up and swiping at her cheek.

Penny dropped the sword and wiped his bloody hand on Quentin's shirt. “Really?”

Penny shrugged. “Matches your hair.”

Quentin ran his hands through his hair, trying to get out the blood. All he accomplished was working his hair into a knot.

Alice shuddered. “Let's go shower this stuff off. Everything should be fine now.”

///

_today_

Penny couldn't stop thinking about Quentin. He'd been thinking about him so hard, he accidentally traveled himself to where he was.

Quentin shrieked in a way that before now, Penny would have said was like a little girl. Now, his shrieks, like everything else about him, were perfect. “What are you doing in my room?”

“Accident. I was thinking about you-”

“You were thinking about me?” Quentin cut in, voice full of disbelief.

Penny moved closer, leaning over and bracketing his arms around Quentin in the bed. “You know I used to hear your thoughts about me. Before you learned how to close your mind. You had some interesting dreams about us.”

Quentin turned a lovely shade of red that went all the way down his neck. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“I think you do. Want to make those dreams a reality?” Penny leaned in dangerously close.

Quentin wiggled around him and ended up on the floor. “Ow, my head.”

“Careful babe, wouldn't want to bruise that pretty face.”

Quentin looked up at him. “Did you just call me babe?” then “...Did you just call me pretty?”

Penny helped him back up. Instead of letting him go, he slid an arm around his waist. Quentin pushed him away, “No means no, man.”

“Playing hard to get, I like it. It's okay, I can wait. I got time.”

“You do that. I have to get to Fillory.”

///

There was something Quentin needed to do, something important. His true love was waiting for him, and he had to fix things so they could be together.

He found Eliot in the great hall. “Finally, I've been looking everywhere. I need your help. Alice is passed out naked in my bed—that came out wrong.”

“I have a confession to make to you.”

“Aren't you listening? Alice, naked, my bed. These are three things that don't go together.”

Quentin placed a hand on his arm and took a deep breath. “I'm in love-”

“Oh, not you too.”

“-with your wife.”

Eliot tilted his head. “Not where I thought that was going, but alright. If you help me with Alice, that will make Fen happy. And you want to make Fen happy right?”

“Yes,” said Quentin. “But I can't with you in the way. There's no divorce in Fillory. That's why I have to kill you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments last time. Y'all are awesome.

Finding a naked woman unconscious in a man's bed was usually a cause for alarm. Given that woman was Alice and the man was Eliot, Margo wasn't alarmed for the typical, dick-cutting worthy reasons. This was Fillory, not a frat house, after all.

It didn't take long to surmise cupids were responsible, because _duh_.

So, she figured she's better find Eliot before things got murdery. Only Quentin was there, using some serious battle magic. Eliot was mostly ducking.

“Oh, for fuck's sake.”

Margo used some battle magic of her own to hit Quentin. He fell face first to the ground, knocked out cold. Margo might have felt bad about it, but he was attempting to murder her best friend. Besides, it was nothing major, only a mild concussion at worst. “I'm guessing something went wrong with the cupid.”

“Very wrong.”

Margo nudged Quentin with her foot. He'd be out for awhile. “Let's get him in the dungeons and you can walk me through what happened.

///

“But why me?” Fen asked.

She, Eliot, Margo, Josh were all in the throne room discussing what happened.

“Why me?” Eliot moaned.

“Cupid's make you love the first person you see, right?” Margo said.

“Wait,” said Josh, “they saw Penny, he was in between them with the dead cupid. So why aren't they trying to mack on him?”

“I hugged Quentin,” Fen cried out.

The others looked at her blankly.

“I hugged Quentin. Eliot wiped blood off Alice's face. It's not the first person you see, it's the first person you _touch_.”

“She's right,” said Eliot.

Margo crossed her arms. “Well then, who did Penny touch? He was there when the cupid died too.”

///

Quentin woke up in the dungeon. He couldn't remember exactly what happened, but he did remember seeing hearing Margo's voice. He should have known Margo would get in the way. He'd have to remember to take her out first next time.

“You're awake.”

“Julia?”

Julia was sitting outside his cell. She had a book in her lap, reading. She was smart, she could help him. “I need your help.”

“I know. Eliot told me what happened. You and Alice are under a spell by the cupid you killed. We're looking for a way to reverse it.”

That was stupid. His love for Fen was pure and true and real. They were one soul in two bodies. “I'm not under a spell I love—hey, Penny!”

“Penny?”

“Penny came on to me.”

Julia's face did something unpleasant between a frown and a laugh. “What?”

“The spell. All three of us were there when the cupid died. It got Alice and Penny both,” said Quentin. “But not me. Fen and I are soul mates.”

“What did Penny say to you?”

“That he could read my mind and see that I had sex dreams about him. But that's impossible, we didn't even know this Penny back when I—I mean when he _said_ that I had dreams about him.”

“No,” said Julia slowly, “but he did know timeline twenty-three Quentin.” She stood up quickly. “I need to go check something out.”

“What about me? Aren't you going to help me escape? Julia?”

///

Penny didn't normally like using his gifts to visit his friends. Messing around in people's heads was weird and overly intimate. But he wanted to find Quentin.

He was surprised to see him in a dungeon.

“What did you do now?”

“Penny?” said Quentin “What makes you think I did something?”

Penny gave Quentin a Look.

“Okay, I did something.” said Quentin. “Can you help get me out of here?”

///

Kady didn't particularly like being stuck doing research. Especially when the others were doing something useful, like trying to make plans. But Alice was affected, and she was the one who usually did these things, along with Julia. And the idea of Alice being affected was not one that sat well with Kady. Her and Alice had been spending a lot of time together dealing with the library and trying to repair relations between them and the hedge witches. They'd become close.

Just not as close as Kady would like.

Julia burst in. “Do you have that book about love spells?”

Kady handed over the book she was looking at. “Nothing useful. Why?”

Julia flipped to the back. “Here. It says that someone under the influence of a love potion can be cured by true love's kiss.”

“They aren't under the influence of a love potion.”

Julia shook her head. “No, but I remember reading that one of the ingredients in love potions is ground up bones of a cupid.”

“Ew.”

“So if you can use true love's kiss to stop the effect of a potion made from a cupid, then why not a spell from a cupid?”

“That might work.”

Julia put the book down. “I need to find Penny. Julia from timeline twenty-three was his true love, but he's mixing up memories of his timeline's Quentin and ours. Me kissing him should break the spell.”

“Penny is affected?” said Kady. “Wait, so whose going to kiss Alice and Quentin? They were dating each other, we can't force them to kiss.”

“No, but Alice isn't Quentin's true love.” Julia was Quentin's best friend. She knew these things, even if he didn't talk about them.

“Eliot?”

“Eliot.”

///

“...so I just need you to go kiss Q,” explained Julia.

Eliot looked wounded. “I'm not who Quentin loves. He's with Alice.”

“He's with Alice because he thinks he can't have you.” Julia said. “I remember how he was when the Monster had your body. It's you, Eliot. It has been for a long time.”

Eliot's eyes lit up with hope. “It can't hurt to try.”

“There's just one problem,” said Margo, entering the room with Josh behind her. “Quentin is gone.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kady breaks the spell on Alice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally updated. I know it's taken forever, and this chapter is extremely short. I promise to update again soon. The story is almost finished.

Everyone was clamoring to find Quentin, but there was something Kady had to do first. Alice might not have feelings for her, but Kady had feelings. Maybe it would be enough.

Alice was still unconscious in Eliot's bed when Kady went in. She looked like some sort of sleeping princess, like she was waiting for some prince to come and wake her from a spell with true love's kiss. And, okay, maybe the whole idea of kissing an unconscious woman was a bit skeevy, but it wasn't like Alice would let her kiss her if she was awake. And it might not work besides, and Kady didn't want everyone knowing about her feelings for Alice.

The fact Alice was naked under the sheet Eliot had tossed over her made it feel even more skeevy. Kady hoped it worked—if it didn't she was one small step below a sexual predator.

“Alice, it's me, Kady. I'm going to try something and hope it works.”

Alice stirred slightly, but didn't open her eyes. Whatever spell Eliot had hit her with had really done a number. She was going to have to talk to him about that later.

Kady bent down and kissed Alice chastely on the mouth. It was short and efficient, just long enough for whatever magic there was to set it. It wasn't particularly nice—Kady didn't like kissing someone who wasn't awake to kiss her back.

She pulled back and Alice sat up with a gasp. The sheet fell and pooled around her waist. Kady turned her back immediately. “How are you feeling?”

“Did you just kiss me?”

“Um, yeah, it was, I thought-”

Kady heard the pad of footprints. She turned back around and Alice was in front of her, wrapped in the sheet. “Are you in love with me?”

Kady opened and closed her mouth.

“It's okay if you are. It's probably the effects of the cupid. I thought I was in love with Eliot, but the spell seems to have worn off,” Alice said, perfectly reasonable and without emotion.

Kady felt her heart swell with hope. “It didn't wear off. The spell is broken by true love's kiss.”

Alice quickly put two and two together. “You're my true love?”

Kady rushed to speak “You don't have to say anything, I know you don't feel the same-”

“How do you know that?”

“What?”

“How do you know that I don't feel the same?” Alice challenged.

“You're with Quentin.”

Alice took a deep breath. “And I do love him. He loves me. But I'm not _in love_ with him anymore. And I think he feels the same. It's been that way for awhile.”

Kady stepped closer to Alice. “What does that mean for us?”

Alice smiled shyly, a blush on her cheeks. “It means you should come here and kiss me again for real.”

Kady was happy to oblige.


	4. Chapter 4

They traveled back to the apartment, to Quentin's bedroom. Quentin made sure to quickly put space between him and Penny. This Penny who was spelled was a handsy, gropey bastard. “I need you to take me back to Fillory. I have to get Fen.”

Penny looked hurt. “You'd rather be with someone whose married than me?”

“It's not like, a real marriage. It's a business arrangement they got stuck in. It doesn't count.”

“That sounds like something a home wrecker would say.”

“I am not a home wrecker.”

Penny frowned at him. “And what if Fen doesn't want to be with you?”

Quentin hadn't considered that possibility.

“If she turns you down, will you give us a shot?”

There was no way Fen would turn him down, so Quentin felt fine saying “Yeah, okay.”

Penny disappeared.

A moment later he reappeared with Fen.

Fen was disoriented a moment, then she looked at Quentin. “Penny is in love with you?”

“Yep.”

“He needs to kiss Julia to break the spell.”

Penny shook his head. “I'm not under a spell.”

Quentin thought fast. “So your love for me is real?”

“Yes.”

“Then prove it. Kiss Julia and if you still feel the same after, we can be together.”

Penny disappeared again.

Fen looked over at Quentin nervously. “Hi, Quentin.”

“Look, I fixed Penny for you.”

Feb stepped back a little. “Yes, you did.”

“Now that you're here we can run away together.”

Fen nodded. “Uh-huh. Except I can't leave Fillory. But you can come with me. We can rule together.”

Quentin looked at her suspiciously. “Are you trying to trick me?”

Fen made a wounded expression. “Would I do that to the man I love?”

Quentin crossed the distance between them and tried to kiss her. Fen ducked away with a shriek. “I'm still a married woman. We, uh, have to finalize my divorce first before we do...that.”

Quentin pouted. “There is no divorce in Fillory.”

“We'll invent it. It'll be huge.”

///

Penny reappeared in the throne room only seconds after disappearing.

“Where's Fen?” Margo asked.

Penny ignored her and made a beeline straight for Julia. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into a kiss. It started off awkward and unwanted, but soon turned into something genuine and sweet. Penny pulled back to look down into Julia's eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said, smiling up at him. “How do you feel about Quentin?”

Penny swore. The others laughed. “We are never mentioning this again, you got me? Ever.

Julia wound her hand through his. “Whatever you say.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear any thoughts you had, but no pressure to comment.


End file.
